Top 10 Ways to Cope With Holiday Party Anxiety

You don't have to go to every party. Decide which parties are truly important to you. Often, you can give a lot of yourself by being choosy. You don't need to attend all family get-togethers, for example. Have an excuse prepared for when you say "no," and it's OK to stretch the truth a bit. When you put yourself first, you'll have more to give everyone else.

You don't have to be the first to arrive and the last to leave. If people make demands on you, be ready to set limits. If you can't get to your mom's early to help set-up, say so, but bring an extra dish to pass. Always decide in advance when you will leave. If you're relaxed and want to stay longer, you can. If you need to leave, you won't feel badly because you promised yourself you would.

If your anxiety is severe (particularly social anxiety and panic disorder), you need a safe place. If the person having the party knows and understands your anxiety, you can ask if there is a room you can use if you need it. When that's not possible, be imaginative. Make your car a cozy safe place. Knowing that you have a safe place is often enough to make you not ever need to use it.

If at all possible, bring a friend or family member who knows about your anxiety. To work well in this situation, the person must understand that you need to leave when you say so, and the person should know about your safe place. You don't want to over-rely on this person, but having a "safe" person there may make you comfortable to enjoy yourself.

Go because you want to go, and then make it a special event. Do what you can to help relax ahead of time -- perhaps a long bath followed by silly dancing to your favorite CD. Wear your favorite clothes. Get ready by candle light with soft music playing. Try to pamper yourself and make the evening (or day) special.

If you have a severe anxiety disorder and are recovered enough to go to parties, then you probably already know a number of coping tools, such as relaxation and breathing exercises. Bring index cards to remind you of the steps you need to take. When anxiety sets in, it can be difficult remembering exactly how to do your breathing exercise, and there's nothing wrong with needing a reminder.

Along with index cards to remind you of your coping tools, you may have other items that are a comfort to you when away from home. Don't hesitate to put together a comfort bag, even if it's something you'll need to leave in your car. There is nothing wrong with needing "safe" items nearby to help you, particularly when you're facing stressful situations.

If you have time, you will definitely want to discuss your anxieties with your therapist. The suggestions here are general and are meant to help you develop individual coping techniques. Your personal therapist will be able to help you further. It may not be possible to get help on the day of a party, but make it a goal to work on these issues in the future.

You're not going to parties because you have to go. You're not going just to give and get gifts. You're going because you want to be with the people you care about. Even office parties are about sharing good cheer with people you see every day. Think about sharing friendship and happiness, and how you fit in to all of it, rather than trying to do what you think everyone else wants you to do.

You can say "no" at any time. People get sick and have emergencies. It's OK if you can't go. You can make it up to people another time, if you feel they'll be hurt. Don't make yourself sick when you realize you're too anxious to go, even at the last minute. The world will not stop. You will be forgiven. BUT, if you don't go, make concrete goals to work on going in the future. You can do it.